


Quick & Painless

by orphan_account



Category: Fargo (2014)
Genre: Forehead Kisses, Heavy Angst, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-25 03:04:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1628234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He deserves to die. And he deserves to die by his own hand.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quick & Painless

Lorne’s called on a job that keeps him away from “home” for a couple of weeks. He promises—with a kiss to the forehead—Lester that he’ll be back soon. So Lester goes about his days as if everything is normal. (Lorne doesn’t usually call and update him or anything like that.) But when one month goes by, Lester starts to get nervous. And by the second month, he knows something’s wrong. It’s not like he can go to the police though.

Lester cries and cries into a sweater Lorne left behind because he knows it’s over now. He truly is alone, and he doesn’t know that he’ll be able to stand it. But every time he tries to kill himself, he chickens out, and doesn’t that just sum up his life? He finally decides that he’ll finish off Pearl’s bottle of Ambien because it will the quickest and the most painless. He’ll just fall asleep in his own warm bed, no fuss. He’ll be gone long enough for it to be too late to save him.

That night he warms up his favorite pajamas in the dryer and keeps Lorne’s sweater nearby. He says good-bye to little things in his house as if they will miss him until he’s back in his bedroom. He’s got the full bottle of pills on his nightstand and some whiskey and water to wash it all down.  
Lester’s not usually a praying man, but he kneels in front of his bed, asking for forgiveness for everything he’s done. And he’s done so much. He deserves to die. And he deserves to die by his own hand. Now he knows what it feels like to be on the receiving end. 

Lester thinks he should maybe write a note. Isn't that what people do? He doesn't have anyone to say good-bye to, but he pulls out pen and paper anyway. He writes:

_Dear Whomever,_

_I think it's okay to admit it now: I killed my wife. I killed Pearl. I also know who kissed Sam Hess. And I know about the Supermarket King too. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. And there's no one left to turn to now, so I'm going to end it. I'm real sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen or to cause anyone any trouble. I'm going to go take some pills now, and I won't be bothering you anymore. I'm sorry._

_Sincerely,_

_Lester_

Lester leaves the note on his dresser.

He climbs into bed under the covers and starts popping the pills into his mouth. He loses count after thirty because he’s feeling woozy, and his vision keeps blacking out. He thinks he’s finished the whole bottle, but he’s not sure. He clutches Lorne’s sweater in his arms as he waits for the end.

Lorne makes it home though, which was never part of Lester’s plan. When he makes his way up to Lester’s bedroom, he sees that he’s too late. He checks the pill bottle and the glass that smelled of alcohol had long since been drained. He sits next to Lester on the bed. His face looks so peaceful.

Lorne sees the note on Lester's nightstand and reads over it carefully. He sounds so _remorseful_. He doesn't want Lester to be remembered like that. He shreds the letter and puts the pieces in his back pocket.

Lorne had worried something like this might’ve happened, but there’s nothing he can do about it. If he calls 9-1-1, they’ll recognize his face or his voice, and that just won’t do, no matter how much he wishes he could save Lester. He gives into temptation and runs his fingers through Lester’s soft hair.

Pretty soon, Lester’s body is going to start rejecting the pills, and that’s not something he wants to see. He doesn’t want to see Lester like that. Lorne stands and pulls the covers up to Lester’s shoulder to keep him warm and comfortable. He carefully takes his old sweater from Lester’s hands. Something to remember him by. He kisses Lester’s forehead before he goes.

In the doorway, he turns around one more time. 

"I’m sorry, Lester."

Lorne gets in his car and makes the decision to never return to Fargo. He doesn’t think he’d be able to stomach it.


End file.
